A not-so cool furry animal

As I was sitting on my porch other night enjoying an after dinner drink and an after dinner dessert cigarette, I listened to the sound of rain falling on our tin roof. Then I heard a scratching noise coming from the fireplace. I turn and look and slowly but surely, a RACCOON pops its head right where the fireplace meets the beams.

The bastard looks at me like… “Sup. Whatcha doing on my porch?”

I ran in to the house so fast screaming… “THERE’S A RACCOON ON THE PORCH!”

Travisimo says, “No way!”

My thought…

“UMMM… YES WAY! WHY WOULD I MAKE THAT UP?”

He grabs a golf club and puts shoes on and walks outside. He starts banging the fireplace and making noises so that the disgusting animal would come out!

My thought…

“WHY WOULD YOU WANT IT TO COME OUT? HERE’S AN IDEA… KILL IT!”

Trav comes back in and say… “I guess you will just have to wait to see if it leaves.”

My thought…

“YOU WANT ME TO WAIT OUT HERE? IN THE DARK, FOR WHAT COULD BE A RABID ANIMAL TO COME OUT?  HERE’S AN IDEA… KILL IT!”

So, finally I decided to take action in to my own hands.

I grabbed the Maglight flashlight—good to have to see and to beat the shit out of raccoons. I also asked for the 22 rifle and the sub sonic rounds so it wouldn’t be so loud when the gun is fired.

 

I was serious. I was going to shoot this raccoon. I asked Trav, “If I shoot it, will you clean it up?”

He said, “Sure.”

My thought…

“SO… ALL I HAVE TO DO IS KILL SOMETHING AND HE WILL CLEAN… HOW CAN I MAKE THIS WORK WITH HOUSEHOLD DUTIES?”

I sat and waited. It was like a mini hunt/ stakeout.

Finally, the bastard made a move… I started screaming!!! “THERE IT IS!!!!”

And then I scared it back in to the hole.

Then it popped its head out again… and then--- ANOTHER RACCOON showed up!!

WTF!!! Seriously!? I MEAN, two?

My thought…

“HOLY SHIT- WHAT IF THAT IS A FEMALE… AND THAT ONE IS A MALE AND THEY JUST DID IT AND ARE MAKING A NEST TO HAVE BABY RACCOONS--- CUTE BUT MAY BECOME TOO ATTACHED TO ITS HOME...?”

That was it… these things were going to die. They had to. There is no choice.

It is their destiny to die. You walk up on the Arnett porch… my PORCH- My safe haven… you will pay the price. TRESPASSING = DEATH BY GUNSHOOT. 

When they showed their ugly faces again… I grabbed the gun, but I froze…

All I wanted was for them to leave and do it somewhere else. So, instead of shooting them… I just yelled… “YEAH--- THAT IS RIGHT… GET OUT OF HERE YOU GROSS FURRY POSSIBLE RABID AND FLEA INFESTED ANIMAL!”

One of them looked back at me--- and at this point I could read his body language and beaty eyes--- He pretty much told me to EF off and that he would be back.

I should have killed them what I had the chance.

**  A day later, I am still afraid to go on my porch. FML.**

Pancit... the celebration dish

Do smells ever remind you of a memory or a time? The smell of diesel gas reminds me of the Philippines. The smell of crayons reminds me of when I was a little kid in school. And my most favorite memory is the smell of garlic and onion being cooked… will forever remind me of my mom and her cooking.

There was never a day that went by growing up that I didn’t smell garlic and onions. It is a staple in Filipino cuisine--- kind of like rice. One of my favorite dishes is “pancit.”

Americans pronounce it “pan-sit.” The correct pronunciation is “pun-sit.” It is the celebration dish. Filipinos have it for birthdays, graduations, anything that has to do with some rite of passage in the Catholic church—baptism, first communion. My mom still cooks it when my brother comes to town or if it is someone’s birthday- even if the person isn’t there to eat it. Hell, she makes it on the anniversaries of all my grandparent’s deaths. (morbid?--- not to Norma)

I thought I would share the recipe because it is one of the best dishes I know how to make. It is not only filling but good for you. Fresh everything! Enjoy! As Norma would say, “It is berry good poor you.” The noodles represent longevity, so remember not to cut the noodles when cooking pancit or when eating it… it is bad luck.

Mabuhay!

What you will need…

2 cups of carrots julienne cut—but not so then

2 cups of celery sliced

2 cups of green beans sliced

1 medium onion chopped

½ head of cabbage sliced

1 tblspn of minced garlic

2-3 tablespoons of oil (I use olive oil)

Salt and pepper

2-3 chicken breasts

½ lb of medium sized shrimp

1 package of rice noodles

Soy sauce--- amount is up to you.

1 fresh lemon

 Boil the chicken breast in some lightly salted water until full cooked.

While chicken is cooking, heat the oil (low-medium heat) in a large sauté pan- use a WOK if you have one.

Add the garlic and onions. Cook until onions are a little translucent- about 3-5 mins.

Then add your shrimp. Sauté the mixture constantly until the shrimp are evenly cooked. (make sure your heat isn’t to high you will over cook the shrimp. 

AT THIS POINT—your house should smell just like my parent’s kitchen- SO open a window.

Add the celery, carrots and green beans to the mixture.

Throw in some salt and generously pepper the mixture.

Also add about 3 tablespoons of soy sauce. Mix together well.

In a large bowl or tray, soak the noodles in warm/ hot water. YOU CANNOT use the entire pot of hot water- it will make your noodles mush. The noodles just need to soak for a few mins until they are soft.

Think of it as pasta--- you don’t want to over soak them. You may have to drain the water in the tray and add more warm water a few times to get the noodles semi soft.

Remove your cooked chicken from the water. (save water)

You will need to cut up the chicken ( I like to shred the chicken) and add it to the mixture.

Add some fresh lemon juice and a little more soy sauce.

At this point everything should be simmering. You want the veggies to be semi soft, but not mushy.

Add the noodles to the mixture. Be sure to not cut the noodles—it is bad luck.

They will be a little hard to mix in with the mixture. Just make sure to mix everything- cover the noodles with the entire mixture.

Add a few more tablespoons of soy sauce and more lemon juice and salt and pepper. You can begin to taste as you go to make it to your liking. I am not big on salty foods, so I try to stay away from using too much soy sauce.

Add about a half cup of the chicken water to the pan and add your cabbage and cover. Lower heat to simmer. After about 5 mins mix cabbage in and recover for another 5-8 mins.

This is how you will know your pancit is cooked…

Everything is mixed well and the noodles are not bitty.

Enjoy! Mabuhay!--- which means, “Long live… long life”

Tennessee, how could you do this to me...

As the famous Hank Williams Jr. would sing, “Tennessee, how could you do this to me?”

The past couple of weekends we have been driving back and forth from Chucktown to Knoxville for football games. Every game we have gone to this year, we have lost. But we have had fun losing that is for sure. Everyone has good attitudes, everyone is drinking, everyone is cheering for the VOLS and everyone looks good in Tennessee orange… Even Dippy.

Some background on what actually goes on in Knoxville… home of my husband…

1-      We never stay at my in laws. Why? Because it is far and we don’t want to risk getting a DUI & it is fun staying with our friends.

2-      Everyone wears Orange and looks good in it

3-      All of Travisimo’s guy friends have nicknames. For example: Ghost- also known as the guy in the pic above who also goes by Dippy. They also have a Beaver, a Dog, a Worm, a Sloth and a Dragon aka my hubs.

4-      MY all time favorite thing about K-town is --- the retelling of stories--- because the drunker you get the funnier they are—EXCEPT this story…

Once upon a time there was a guy named Travisimo aka my husband aka Dragon. He had a friend named Dixon also known as Dippy aka Ghost. They drank A LOT alcohol in the city of New Orleans in celebration of Buddy Bill’s bachelor party.

Dippy says to Dragon, “Hey- Why didn't you get your armband all the way around your arm? You a pussy or something? You should get that one part of your tattoo filled in!”

Dragon says, “Only if you pay for it and all my drinks the rest of the night and weekend.”

(They have a give and take relationship--- it's beautiful.)

Dippy says, “Sure!”

So off they go… Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum… on the search for a tattoo parlor… wasted. For hours they walked and they drank. They got to a shop and the tattoo artist tells Dee and Dum that he can’t tattoo them because they are drunk… or was it because the tattoo artist was drunk. Regardless, they sweet talked their way in to getting that tattoo.

Dippy left the tattoo parlor $250.00 lighter and Dragon left with the worst idea tattooed on his body...forever. 

And they drank happily ever after.

So, this story is told over and over every time we are in Knoxville. It is a pretty recent event,so hearing the story is like salt in an open wound. I never laugh. I never think it is funny. I always want to cry when I see it.

So my hubs has this guys nickname -------->

Tattooed on his arm.

FML.

Bad Blogger! BAD!

Dear Blog,

Not only have been neglecting you, but for awhile there I was neglecting my house. She was looking rough and had Ruckus tumbleweed rolling around everywhere. So I decided it needed some serious reconstructive surgery.We gave her a face lift and gave her a makeover.

Tell me this… why is it… when you go in to a paint store… the color you like… is placed around colors that have the same hue… so it fucks your eyes up and you think you are seeing green but it really BLUE/ green. They tell you that is it green and then you spend $250 on paint and hire out little Mexico to do the work and IT IS STILL BLUE!

Mr. TWRave asked us if we got the paint for free! Umm... low blow Tina, looowww blow. I mean, it is blue but it is just going to take some getting used to. Our master bathroom needed some love too. There were holes everywhere and a fish border that was half torn off, so I invested some time and gave her a little love… and TA DA!!!!! The house and the bathroom may look like the same color but they're not-->the house is called Summer Breeze and the bathroom is Eliza Lucas.

And the cherry on the top would be... Travisimo built me a walk in closet--- he is the best!

Look carefully... Travisimo putting the shutters up

Beadboard and fresh paint!

And my new walk in closet- now all I need is new clothes. I am working that...

I am sorry for being a bad blogger... I will do what I can to make up for it.

With deepest regret,

S~